Sad

I can't help but over think stuffs, especially when I'm alone. I might have tried the inhale-exhale- think-about-your-problem yoga thingy and even though the instructor said " Think about all the bad stuff that happen and together we throw it away and leave it to 2012" No, it didn't work and it doesn't work that way.  I still have a whole pail of problems and sucks that I left my Bible in my locker and I haven't read for weeks, I feel empty and unloved without it. Okay, let me some up all the things that's bothering me. 

 First and for all, I'm sorry for being so negative these days, it's just that I want something that I can't have. Although my family scolded me about how lucky I am that I can get anything more than my other cousins do. No, I don't have all and they don't know about it. Anyways, still..even if I'm like this, it's surprisingly how caring my family are. I JUST LOVE THEM MORE THAN ANYTHING. 

Second, even though I don't wanna regret, I really do. I do, I do ! I don't like to go to my ******. If you have actually read this , you know what I mean. I can't love them anymore, I can't love the remaining days left with them. EVERYDAY IS HELL. I'm so sorry, God. I know you understand me. 

Third, I can't focus on the good side. I know I chose to feel this way, but there are just so many problems. Even though I smile every now and then, at the tip or back of my mind there's this " family problem" that you all don't know about that I'm carrying with me everyday. It stresses me out, 'cause I'm the eldest and every time my parents remind us about it, I feel hopeless. 

Fourth, lastly, I don't know if I'm a psycho or what..I feel like going to a psychiatrist, I know I've said this. I'm so messed up and as a friend say, I'm fucked up !! Oh dear darling, I don't know anymore but the least that I can do with all of this trouble is to be stronger than fear and not let words bring me down. Let's just say I'm fighting till the end, I am. Yes, that's it ! 

" For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth" - 2 Corinthians 13:8

Oh, and you might wanna drop by here to give me some advices and what you think about this post :)